Renegade

Okay, I think most of you know how I love Taylor Swift so much and if you don’t know that yet now you do.

Big Red Machine released a song featuring Taylor Swift but she sang all the words lol. It’s called Renegade. To think that Taylor probably wrote all the words she can think of and all the stories she can tell and sing about by now— we’re wrong. Renegade is the sister of Long Story Short from Evermore in terms of the melody but in terms of the lyrics she haven’t written in this type of perspective and relationship before (I think). Renegade is the song I’ve been wanting to write about for so long now but I was too conscious to try because it talks about mental health and the toxicity it surrounds.

via Taylor Swift’s instagram

Renegade is about a certain relationship where one is going through personal challenges that hinders them to be the best version of themselves and prevent them from giving their partner the kind of love that they deserve. This is the kind of relationship where the other person is torn between weathering it out or just leave for the sake of their own mental health but there’s the thought of how they can be selfish especially when they know that their partner is going through a difficult time for them to just leave. I’ve been wanting to write from this perspective but I just don’t know how I should say that understanding someone dealing with their mental health can sometimes be too overwhelming to the point that being around them can also affect our own mental health. We stay because we feel guilty of leaving them in that state even when it starts hurting us too, we endure that to make it work and hope that one day that person will realize that they need to fix themself, and finally get that kind of love we expect from them.

Taylor Swift wrote it in ways that I wish I wrote it first lol. She worded it out with such honesty that when I first listened to this song it hit me so hard, and I couldn’t believed that she wrote this.

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Lyric breakdown:

“I tapped on your window on your darkest night
The shape of you was jagged and weak
There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway”

I relate this with how in a relationship there’s a point that we still feel like we’re still on the outside looking in on our partner’s life. And in this case I imagined how it’s a recurring experience where one was so guarded, problematic, and closed off in that relationship. And when it’s a thing that happen again and again it can lead to second thoughts of whether one should stay or just leave but often times there’s still that hope that it will get better someday for one to decide to stay. There are a lot of people who stay because of “potential” which is a very conflicting attitude towards everything. I loved that she used “tapping on a window” as a metaphor for that one.

“You wouldn’t be the first renegade to need somebody.”

I interpret the term “renegade” in this song as a traitor to one’s self. As this song obviously talks about a lover who’s dealing with their personal issues and for me I relate it with mental health. When a person deals with anxiety or depression they tend to abandon their confidence in themselves. The person singing this song clearly feels exhausted in this relationship to say this line, that they are not the only one dealing with that kind of problem.

“Is it insensitive for me to say, “Get your shit together so I can love you?”
Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything? Or do you just not want to?”

This is what I was too conscious to talk about. Having mental health problems is one thing but being with someone dealing with their own mental health problems is another thing. It can be too overwhelming and for someone it can also be toxic. Like, what Taylor wrote she acknowledges how it can be viewed as being insensitive to ask for their partner to fix themself. She also questioned is it really their personal issues stopping them from loving them fully or is she not worth it for that love.

“You fire off missiles ’cause you hate yourself
But do you know you’re demolishing me?
And then you squeeze my hand as I’m about to leave”

Oh my gosh my favorite line in the song. People with mental health problems can sadly be self-centered (talking from experience) they can be too occupied from hating themselves that they don’t realize that they’re hurting the people around them too. And then I interpreted the “squeeze my hand” part as saying that “everything will be okay, please be patient with me”. It’s that hope that your partner gives as you’re about to decide to leave. Like, asking you to wait just a little more because they know you’re exhausted in that relationship.

Dealing with mental health problems is very complicated. So, please stop romanticizing the idea of two broken people fixing each other or even just one broken person being fixed by their lover. It can take a lot out of a person to have this kind of a relationship.

This song is written perfectly in my opinion. I don’t know how Taylor keeps impressing me with her song writing for so many years now. Her songwriting ages well. You can also tell how much I dissected this song. You can also tell how I read into words too much especially when it’s a Taylor Swift song lol.


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