Leakage

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Colors leaking outside of me, a once active
imagination now unable to see and create
tales as lively as before, I now live inside
a dying world with a dried up source
never knowing when it will replenish
or should I just accept that soon every
story inside of me will somehow perish?


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It Dies With Me…

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To all the things I never said out loud,
the ones I spent daydreaming about.
I put in a box and no one knows.
It’s in my chest and it’s always close.
It’s in the coffin I buried and nailed—
it’s the heavy breath I deeply exhale.
I do not know how it still follows me,
the regrets, the failed fantasies—
all of it will eventually die with me.


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Art Is What We Live For

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I was browsing through several art accounts on Instagram and I’ve also been watching time lapse videos of artists’ acrylic paintings. While watching I was so amazed and it’s so comforting as well, and suddenly I started wondering why growing up we were so discouraged to pursue art as a career.

We were encouraged to get a business course or become a lawyer, doctor, pilot, or any other career as long as it does not include art and self-expression. I remembered when I was young I wanted to become a teacher and then it changed to having to do with arts, I was a member of the arts club when I was in grade school. I really loved writing and drawing back then but people around me kept saying “there’s no money in art” “it’s an unstable career” but looking back with my realizations now, art is what keeps us sane. Art is what keeps us inspired. We all need a creative outlet, it is a healthy way to release stress and it is also an effective way to express yourself when you can’t in the usual way. But why do the society belittle people who has dreams of becoming an artist?

But when you look at it, when you make it big it pays out well. Look at the famous writers, singers, actors some of them are the wealthiest people in the world. So, I keep wondering why the society belittle artists when they sit in their homes enjoying Netflix or playing video games when all of these came from art?

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Suddenly The Lights Are Up And Bright | Importance of Changing Perspective

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It is easy to absorb negativity from this world and generation we currently live in. It is easy to fall and give in to criticisms and setbacks. It is truly a sensitive world right now where it’s quite difficult to keep a positive attitude. We are all aware of what is happening around us through different channels that is conveniently available to us. Therefore, we developed a high sense of consciousness towards everything that we do; is this acceptable by the society? Am I doing it right? etc. These internal monologue we often do leads to insecurities that also leads to a negative impact in the way we perceive our day-to-day approach and decisions.

In today’s time everything feels like a race, everyone wants to achieve a certain milestone in lesser time. Like, at 25 I need to have this and that, and by 45 or 50 I should retire. It’s amazing how everyone has these types of goals in their life but it also sets unrealistic standards and goals for some. Especially to those who are not given the same privilege. I get it how people say that putting hard work pays off but not everyone is given the same opportunities. Like, in this society that often looks at a prestigious background of applicants—those who came from a top 4 universities already has the upper hand apart from those who graduated from a university that most people haven’t even heard before. Employers won’t weigh who’s more of a hard worker, they will pick or give initial screening based from their resumes. It is an unfair world and you can’t really say that you just have to work hard, those who are underprivileged needs to work twice as hard if they want to meet such standards.

Having these factors weigh in on your life; the unfair society, the criticisms, the pressure, and the comparisons, why would you add a negative thinking to all of that? It is difficult to overcome all of that and it is much more difficult when yourself adds on to that weight by thinking that you can’t overcome challenges and when you think that nothing is going your way. It’s so important today to change perspective and see everything as just another challenge and another problem to solve, and not a wall or a boundary that stops you. I see a lot of people being so negative that they just sulk in the corner and wait for a miracle to happen.

One thing I have realized in my 24 years of existence is that you are your worst enemy. And for the past years I have learned how important it is to have a positive outlook. Okay, I am not saying that you should be positive all the time because that is unhealthy. It is important that you acknowledge every emotions that you have. What I mean from a positive outlook is that you still look forward to things, you see challenges as a learning opportunity or something that will contribute to your personal growth. After having that setback you should channel that to be more motivated to start again. During this pandemic, I quit my previous job and I was unemployed for half a year. I was on and off from being depressed and anxious to being productive. I was in this crazy mental state on whether I should give up since everything slowed down or I should fight my usual depressed self. I chose the latter, I started up being active on this blog again as part of the plan to stay productive, I became more active with my chores. I chose to act rather than to sit and sulk.

Changing perspective isn’t overnight. I guess for me it happened in a time where the world suddenly stopped and changed its’ usual ways. I had a lot of time to introspect without any distractions and everything really slowed down that I caught up with my thoughts. I felt like there’s something inside my brain that suddenly lightens up and I somehow see my life more clearly than I did before. There’s suddenly that excitement to move forward. I turned my cynical self into a hopeful and ideal type of person (sort of).

You are your biggest cheerleader

and achieving a positive perspective is very beneficial in this life where everything suddenly feels possible and within your reach. It is a confirmation that

yourself is indeed your worst enemy but also yourself is your greatest friend that will help you overcome everything.

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Four Lines – Sunday Musings

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Hello everyone, I meant to write a more profound blog post but I decided to write some short series of poetry consisting of four lines because it’s easier and more fun to write lol. It’s quite a challenge to write everything you wanted to say with just four lines. I enjoyed writing these at the same time it shows what’s currently in my mind these days.

Emotions that you keep so much inside that nobody else knows about. People who carelessly throw mean words will come back to them and haunt them. The feeling of emptiness that you try to fill up with senseless and sometimes harmful stuff will never be enough. Finding your true desire besides working in an 8 hour job. And not wanting the things that society tells us to have.

These are five stories that I tried to sum up with 4 lines.

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“IRRELEVANT EMOTIONS”

Overflowing emotions and feelings.
I’m spilling drops barely keeping it in,
created a puddle I’m trying to clean
others might slip but it was never seen.

“PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER HOW YOU SPEAK TO THEM”

You are spitting acid all over,
burning others even with covers.
Now, you’re dripping blood.
Hear their voices— they’re glad.

“FOOD WILL NOT FILL YOU UP”

Stuff yourself with everything in your fridge
but you’ll never fill up the void inside of you
when your mind’s thoughts are in a cage
and when your heart’s color is just blue.

“IT’S WHAT YOU DO AFTER 5PM THAT MATTERS”

Exerting efforts to someone else’s goals
but feels exhausted to work on yours.
It’s the things you do after eight hours,
there you’ll find the true desire of your soul.

“IT’S OKAY TO NOT WANT ‘NORMAL’ THINGS”

People keep telling you to do things;
get a job, find someone, have kids
but do you really want to have these
or the society pressures you to do it?


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