Regrets

It’s getting harder to get up every morning with all this weight of unmotivated mind and body. As if life just passes us by day by day feeling empty, and waiting for the moment where our lungs couldn’t catch an air to breathe, until death decides to take part. Leaving the world with nothing that goes by our name, a legacy not worth a dime and as if the life we have lived was a gift that we didn’t value. Until it’s too late, and we wishes that time turns back and we’ll try to redo everything but this time around we’ll do everything we can to fight ourselves and find motivation that we lack back then and not mess it up by self-sabotaging.


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Poetry – Desire

The never ending satisfaction, one desire to another.

Today you’ll fight and tomorrow again you’ll conquer.


Aren’t you getting tired? Wanting more when you have


everything there is a man could have ever dreamed of?


Here you are planning when you already have enough
,

taking all the world has to offer but never filling you up
.

You go for what you want rather than what you really love
.

Maybe change the way you think about what to acquire,


maybe next time you’ll get it right and fulfill your true desire.


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Poetry – Wonderful Scheme

We’re flowing
like a stream,
together growing
living in a dream.
What a fairytale
this may seem.
We set sail
for this wonderful
scheme.


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My Complicated Faith And Beliefs

Hi everyone, today I’m going to tell you a story about my faith. I’ve been struggling to form my words to explain my faith, I will try my best. Here it goes.

I grew up as a roman catholic, I went to a catholic school both grade school and high school. So, I grew up in a very conservative practices, and I used to be a bible reading type of person. That part of me even grew more when I entered my college life, the pressure of being a young adult was coming down on me. My depressive state was getting worse, so I turned to God’s words or any self-help words that I could clung onto, just to save myself from drowning in my own self-destructive thoughts. I was always finding ways to escape my miserable life, and the stuff you read in the bible was very helpful. I used to have the bible app on my phone, and any self-help apps that uses verses in the bible to help enriched our lives. I even wrote a blog post about it. I was a big God’s fan.

But everything changed when I graduated and I got a job. Like, I said in my other post. I experienced what life really was. I realized how shitty it could really get, as time goes by and along that journey, I finally accepted it— life sucks (sometimes). And along that path of acceptance was also the path where I let go of my old ways, even letting go of the things that I was passionate about. I stopped writing, reading, and all the other things that I used to loved doing for awhile. I stopped doing the things that I used to do every time I felt like life was knocking me down. Because I accepted how life is, and I felt like I no longer need the words of others to lift me up, I found my own take on life.

Now, you may see this as I developed a narcissistic way of living my life. NO. I just found a new approach on how to deal with life, and to also trust myself more. I mean we are all just trying to get through life, right? We have our own ways. I guess, I used to go to God back then because I have no one telling me what to do. He was my rope that I held onto. And it sucks to view it this way, but I changed ways, and found another rope to hold onto. But this doesn’t mean that I lost my faith. I still believe in Him, and I know God is real. I just have my own ways to show that. We all have our own relationship with God, mine is just different from the traditional ways. For a better understanding on my relationship with God, it’s like this. I see God as a parent, He guides me, He’s there for me always. But as a child, I grow up, I go my own way, and start doing things on my own. But I still love my parent even if at times, it seems like I don’t. (Does that makes any sense? Lol)

As we’re on this topic, might as well talk about religion. This is the part where I’m a bit hesitant to share, and you’ll know why. Whatever I am going to state here is just my own belief, I’m not asking you to believe whatever I say. I respect everyone’s own beliefs.

I don’t see myself as a roman catholic now, it’s all just in papers. I don’t see myself being part of any religion. I don’t believe in religions, and I never really consider myself as a religious type of person even back then where I was a bible reading person, that for me are very different from each other. I don’t go to church anymore because I believe you can talk to God anytime and anywhere. And religions just separate people, it doesn’t bring people together, it even makes a subject of wars. Another thing, I also used to read the bible because I used to believe it makes you a good person but I don’t know if I would still believe it, when most religious-church-goer-bible-reading people that I met was also the most judgmental people I have met in my life. It’s like they do this practices just to be saved, they go to church to erase their sins, when people could just live with kindness and empathy from the start as I believe that’s what God wants right?

We all grew up believing in something but that changes throughout life, and you start to have your own interpretation on things. My faith was something that I was very insecure to talk about because not a lot of people understand. When some people don’t share the same beliefs, they judge each other. I think money, politics and religion are some topics of conversations that can get us into a fight, that is why we mostly don’t openly talk about it unless we’re drunk. Anyways, that’s the end of this story, I don’t really know how to end this. So…

The end.


Oh, share your thoughts in the comments, share your beliefs and faith as well. Let’s start a healthy discussion about this.


Related Post:
THE BIBLE APP
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS… | 01
I DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD


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Lost Writings | 07 – To Blame

TO BLAME

Brokenness was all I have ever known,
even after all the time that had flown,
it was a misery that I dragged along,
and it was a baggage I have owned.
All my life it was right there,
even at times that I didn’t care.
Now, every time I lose a game,
I’ll always have it there to blame.


I wrote a bunch of poetry back in 2017, it was all over the place. So, I finally retrieved it from my old broken laptop and some were from my old journal pages that I may have forgotten about.


Related Posts:
Lost Writings


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