Hi everyone, I miss this space so much 🥺. It has been a stressful but also fun past couple of days. We finally moved in to our newly renovated home (sort of). We still haven’t finished furnishing it and unpacking yet but it’s getting there. It has been stressful since all of us and my family members are finally staying in one home compared in the past where I was only staying with my auntie. It’s quite irritating when you live with people who has different lifestyle from yours. I’m a minimalist, living with less is comforting for me, it adds to that peace of mind, and lately it’s been crazy because of my family with all of their unnecessary stuff. It’s driving me crazy how they have so many belongings that they don’t even use anymore. Anyways, I’ve been more productive with doing household chores as well since the house is new lol. We still have lots of things to tweak, I can’t wait until it’s fully furnished and done.
Besides moving into our new home, I’ve been on a job hunt as well. I’m currently eyeing for this job and I had my initial interview last week and I’m still waiting for the next one. I really hope I get that job so that I can stop being a freeloader. It’s really been difficult to find a job these days with the current level of competition. I just really have to stay motivated and eager until I land a job. I don’t know how people do it with changing jobs, it really feels like starting over again. I worked 3 years in a company but with this job hunt, it feels like I’m a fresh graduate again.
In terms with this blog, I’m currently bulk writing again (yay!) I’ll get to my blogging schedule right away unless something came up like another interview? fingers crossed. A lot of things happened in the last couple of weeks, I mean Taylor Swift did something again, Superbowl happened, Valentine’s Day etc. lots of things to write about.
Anyways, how are you all? What did I miss? Let’s catch up!
It’s moving day! We’re finally moving in to our renovated home after 2 months which was supposedly just a month, specifically before Christmas but lots of changes were done. I’ve been busy these past couple of days hence no posts were published ✌🏼. Next post that I will be posting after this short one will be from our home (finally!). See you all! 👋🏼
Compromising is very important in relationships, it’s one of the tools that makes it work. But when do we back down to consider and when do we stand our ground?
I have been watching Grey’s Anatomy for a couple of weeks now, I’m currently on season 10 and one of the story lines that’s been bothering me for awhile is Yang-Hunt’s story arc. ! SPOILER ALERT 🚨
So, Cristina Yang and Owen Hunt have been my favorite problematic couple for awhile, they’ve been on and off. They were married and got divorced because of a plane crash accident but prior to that they’ve been having problems with their marriage, mainly because they have differences towards their future. Owen Hunt wanted to have a kid and Cristina Yang chose to abort their baby, and Owen has been keeping a grudge towards her wife ever since the incident. Over time Owen accepted that and wanted Cristina back, but Cristina has been having second thoughts because she believes that they’re going to end up where they left off, and she’s afraid that she’s never going to be enough for Owen, and Owen would probably ask for more that Cristina wouldn’t give her.
I’ve been frustrated on Cristina Yang’s character, she’s over confident, over achiever and so full of herself, and she always do what she wants, she’s been called a robot because all she cared about was being a top surgeon. But she has a soft spot as well, she stuck by Owen when he had PTSD and when he almost killed her. The only wrong thing they did was that they didn’t talk about their plans in the future before committing to each other. Now, Owen compromised his dream of having a kid and a family. He wants Cristina back but Cristina is afraid that Owen will suddenly change his mind. Cristina obviously still loves Owen but why couldn’t she just compromise or at least consider having a baby with Owen? But Owen gave up what he wants to be with Cristina, why couldn’t she do it for Owen?
Now, I kept thinking of when do we compromise? Are women more uptight than men? Do women want men to sacrifice more?
From personal experience, I am like Cristina in some sort of way, that’s why I kind of like her and hate her at the same time. I was used to being alone before I got into a serious relationship, I was used to doing things my way. I really adjusted in my relationship in ways like knowing that there’s someone I could depend on and I don’t really have to do everything on my own, and there is someone who also depends on me where we can both be there for each other. And there are moments that I know I have to compromise to not be the difficult one, and to just avoid arguments and blame on my part lol. But there are also times when I have to hold on to what I know is right for me that sometimes leads to making myself feel selfish. The dilemma starts there when you badly want to give it but you just can’t for some reason.
We were so used to guys courting girls for months to be their girlfriend especially in the Philippines, we make guys go through hoops of fire just to know if they’re sincere. We were used to guys putting more effort in the relationship, they compromise more. But it’s different for us women, when we fall in love, it’s deeper. Some do the same effort as guys do, buying gifts, arranging surprises etc. But all women give all of their feelings in the relationship, when we are in a relationship we are already compromised, most of us women have our guards up, we have walls and when we let a guy in and we lower our guards down it’s like a reflex thinking of “isn’t that enough?” without us really thinking about it. Most of us may not give you guys the moon or move mountains the same as you guys do but that doesn’t mean we are selfish. We’re compromising our feelings, we’re already vulnerable. Mind, body and soul of a woman is already yours when we fall in love. That’s why I think most of us girls are complicated because there’s too much emotions going through us. That’s why when guys cheat most of the women forgives easily and take their man back but when women cheat the relationship is already over and this is something that I’ve witnessed countless of times.
I rambled long enough through that one, I got all that emotions I was talking about lol. Going back to my question when do we compromise? I sincerely want to know.
A new chapter begins I’m embarking on this trip and I’m riding towards the sun with my hands up in the air, for once I have nothing to fear. This life was never meant to be as easy like I wanted it to be. I was a fool for the way I think but now I see it all– I see all the links. I see it all clear.
I wrote a bunch of poetry back in 2017, it was all over the place. So, I finally retrieved it from my old broken laptop and some were from my old journal pages that I may have forgotten about.
Often times I find myself wondering about all of my “what ifs” but not with remorse but with just the thought of an alternate reality. I often think of “if I did this or that” what would it be like now? Would everything be different or am I exactly where I am right now even if I get the chance to redo the choices I took in the past?
There’s this new theory about time travel, it says that time travel is possible but you can’t change the past and it won’t affect the future. The outcome will always be the same no matter how you try to change the past. This made me think that all the sufferings and all the challenges that I had faced was meant to be and cannot be prevented. Everything that I am experiencing then and now is really going to happen no matter how hard I try to avoid it. Well, that theory is kind of unfair. It means that we don’t have a choice in this life. It’s like if you were born lucky then great but if not well I’m sorry, it is what it is. That theory just said “life isn’t like Bandersnatch that you get hundreds of alternate outcomes”.
But I think of this alternate world where everything was according to my plan and everything was perfect, exactly not the reality that I have right now. But would life make sense if I live in that world? Living in that perfect world without the wisdom I learned from the challenges and experiences I gained, would it be worth it? Knowing both your alternate reality and your reality now, you can never choose. In both worlds you’re going to gain and lose whichever you pick. I guess that’s why we can’t go back in time because God knows we can be too greedy, and want to have it all.