My Favorite Things: Rain (My Pluviophile Heart)

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Lately, it’s been raining a lot which is my favorite type of weather. The cloudiness and gloominess of the sky gives me that calming feeling. One of the little things that’s been uplifting my mood lately is the rain. I know this is a silly little thing to be happy about but I want to take a moment and recognize the feeling I feel when it rains lol.

Every time that it rains I instantly feel at peace, if it isn’t even that weird I would gladly walk in the rain just for the hell of it, just go outside and just wander around in the rain lol. I had this fond memory of really enjoying this type of weather when I was in high school, we had this field trip in an amusement park but it was raining nonstop and other people had their umbrellas and was bummed out, they were not enjoying their day but me and my friends were having a blast even though our clothes were soaking. We didn’t mind the rain and we just enjoyed all the rides, that was a great day for us.

I don’t know what it is about the rain maybe it’s the smell and the sound of the raindrops that adds to that cozy feeling and to pair it with hot drinks, music, and a loved one? What more can you ask for right? Just the idea of lying in bed all day and feeling the cold breeze is so soothing. So, I want to appreciate the rain these past few days for giving me this kind of feeling.

This kind of silly thing is one of the things that we don’t really pay attention to, it’s not much but it gives us that comfort and peace even just for a little while.

How about you? What are your favorite silly little things that makes you happy?

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My Favorite Things

Hey, since it’s quarantine season again here in the Philippines I decided that I want to do something positive on this blog for a few days. I want to focus on the things I love rather than think about what’s wrong in the world. I rarely do this because I was so used to writing about pain and misery since I find it more interesting to write about. So, for the next few days I will try to list down the things that’s been making me happy lately in my life that I usually take for granted.

I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say that we unconsciously focus more on the things that stresses us out and we take for granted the things that give us that relief. Often times, we get swallowed by the everyday living and forget about the little things in life that calms us down. So, join me for the next few days and recognized the little things in our life that gives us joy, the “temporary” happiness that we hardly acknowledge and what we think is too shallow. Let’s appreciate these little things as it helps us get through life or even just for a day or even just for a moment.

P.S. I had this draft for months now and I thought it’s perfect to work on this draft during this lockdown again which is unfortunately our third one for this pandemic. Also, shoutout to Shahrin from SmallMomentsofWonder she posted this blog about Small Pleasures Of Life back in February and it inspired this post.

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This Writing Is A Mess Just Like Me

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Am I the only one here who handles their emotions very well by not letting it show— on the outside everything seems so fine but deep inside everything is just a mess?

I’ve learned to close the gate of my emotions for the past couple of years. I once opened it and it drowned me, so I decided to contain it again and bottle it up. Well, let’s just say that I’m very conflicted on how I should deal with my emotions now since I’ve tried every ways but all of it has a downside.

I try to stay away from negative things and avoid conflicts, which surprisingly is a lot more toxic than I expected because the negativity will always be there unless I face it and solve it. Not caring is not an option, it is impossible to not care unless you’re a sociopath. Back then I tried to really bottled up all my emotions until I started spilling them out on friends. I kind of open up a vault and I couldn’t stop letting all these emotions out. Until, I tried to closed it again and since then I’ve been sort of okay with just minor changes. Before I used to be all about helping people with their problems like I go out of my way to be helpful and supportive. I literally don’t give a fuck about myself before and I would rather help others before I help myself. Right now, I feel myself changing day by day. I don’t know if I’m becoming more “selfish” but I try my best to stay away from negativity hence I became sort of cold hearted.

I remember seeing this photo from social media about how we become older we figuratively became smarter and wiser but as that happens our hearts also become smaller and colder. That photo was engraved in my mind because I find it true as I experience it. It started when I graduated college I was sent out to the “real world”. This chaotic life that I have to face for a lifetime. When you were still a student the world was somehow filtered, you get to have these ideas of what life would be like and in your mind it’s this awesome plan. I thought I just have to do these steps so I can have that dream but as it turns out it wasn’t that easy. I thought upon graduating I have all these tools to be remarkable but I have nothing. I’m just this another normal girl looking for a job. It went on from there learning that I was not that special and the world just sucks. Money is important even if you just want a simple life. All these negative information kind of piled up inside of me. I was once a hopeful and idealistic person who hopes for the best and sees something in good in everything. Now, I’m this skeptic person trying my best to get by and as much as possible protect my wellness.

It’s not that I don’t care about other people because I’m a huge a fan of kindness and empathy, if you have been reading from this blog for a while now you probably know that already. I promote checking on your loved ones and listening to their stories. But I’m also a fan of self-love. For me, I try to create this boundary with myself of being concern and being over-caring to other people’s emotions. I absorb negativity quickly that’s why I try to refrain myself of putting my nose in other people’s issues but at the same time I also want them to know that I am there for them. But these past couple of years I felt myself being cold. I stopped checking on people because I was so caught up with my own shit and I also became a jerk because I felt like I dealt with my problems on my own and I’m surviving and I started expecting other people to do the same. I’m turning into someone that I hated growing up, the kind of person that thinks everything is all in our heads and just wanted attention. I started realizing it that is why I’m writing this.

Like, I said from the beginning of this post I am conflicted on how I should deal with my emotions. I thought not dealing with it and avoiding to feel it was the best way but as it turns out I’m becoming a toxic person not just for myself but also for other people. I lost that sense of being empathic and sympathetic on others adversities. I wanted to bring my old self back but I know that it is impossible especially with all the things that I have experienced. I am this person because of it, I mean I learned a lot about how the world works even though it still disappoints me. I crave for my innocence back but I am not a child anymore and I should accept the fact that I have all these responsibilities now. I guess that is the source of my problem I wanted to be a kid again— carefree with no responsibility.

I feel like this writing is a mess. I feel like I have talked about everything that’s been bothering me when in fact I just want to talk about how I deal with my emotions but it led to different aspects of my life lol. Well, I guess that’s how it really goes when you have too many bottled up thoughts and emotions.

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Anyway,

I have finally updated our blog directory. It was so overdue and I apologize for that so please feel free to check our blog directory and discover new blogs to read and follow. 😊

Click here


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Leakage

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Colors leaking outside of me, a once active
imagination now unable to see and create
tales as lively as before, I now live inside
a dying world with a dried up source
never knowing when it will replenish
or should I just accept that soon every
story inside of me will somehow perish?


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It Dies With Me…

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To all the things I never said out loud,
the ones I spent daydreaming about.
I put in a box and no one knows.
It’s in my chest and it’s always close.
It’s in the coffin I buried and nailed—
it’s the heavy breath I deeply exhale.
I do not know how it still follows me,
the regrets, the failed fantasies—
all of it will eventually die with me.


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