The feeling of falling when looking deeply into someone else’s eyes. The electromagnetic wave that it sends throughout our body that kind of makes us feel nervous. Smiling from ear to ear until our jaws hurt because this feeling is what we crave for, it’s what we watch on our screens, it’s what we wait for. The cliché of love, it’s what we want to feel and have, even if sometimes we roll our eyes to it. The shallowness of romance that fuels dreamers to create an imagination that sometimes lead to real life expectation for the hopeless romantics but it makes love and life dreamy and worth having.
As I grow older, I have viewed love as an overrated thing. I have become a buzz kill to romance. I laugh at it, I roll my eyes when I watch romantic movies. Especially, when they say cheesy lines. I hate it when a girl gets easily swept off from her feet by this guy. But I remember when I was younger, when I didn’t know anything about romance and stuff, I loved watching these films. My favorite romantic film ever is A Walk To Remember, I really loved the idea of love shown in that movie. How you grown to have faith and change for the better, and looking back at it I miss having that feeling of watching romantic films, and being a hopeless romantic. I guess I grew up as a cynical person lol. But I realized that I don’t need to be a buzz kill for other people who wants to see romance as this greatest thing that they could possibly have. They could fantasize freely on how their love story could go, they could have expectations that I find unreal, and have high standards if they want to, these things make it real for them when they finally find it. I could go on and on about how love is this overrated idea but that’s just me, I don’t want other people to have the same mind like mine and kill the idea of romance that keeps people to believe in something. Other than having faith I think love is the second thing that people hold on to in times of doubt. In short, let people believe in things even if at times we find it a bit cliché.
We all have our own tragedies and we all deal with it differently, our ways might be different from one another but we all have the same goal and that is to go through it and move on.
We all have our ways of coping with things and we do things that can be unexplainable and unexpected but we do these things because we believe that it will somehow lessen the pain and it will help us move on eventually. There are things that are unlikely for us to do, that our own friends and family disagree with it, and there are times that we ignore their advice and still do the things that they told us not to do. They will be frustrated even to the point of not understanding us anymore and to them we are just being unreasonable, but to us everything still hurts.
People need to understand that everyone has different ways of dealing with things, they have different grieving process. You may not understand it but at least respect it, most of the time people dealing with so much heart break or sadness, they eventually figure it out on their own. The things that they are doing is vital to their process. Talking to them and giving them advice is okay but never point out the mistakes they’re doing because they know it already, never assume that when you give advice they will be okay right away, it is never easy to fully move on. Allow them to grieve and allow them to feel things and go through it, never invalidate their emotions and just be there for them. But if you disagree and don’t understand their process to respect it, might as well ignore it for the sake of their wellness and yours too.
We all crave for that “better” life whatever that is, and we all have different views of what that is. We all have different things that we want in life. Some want to have that great big house and nice cars, some want to travel the world, some want to find their passion but most importantly all of us want to find happiness. But what is happiness to you?
I was never a materialistic type of person, all I want in life is to live with a peaceful mind and having enough to support myself and my hobbies which is to just write and play video games lol but I never wanted to have a grand life. I don’t want a mansion or nice cars, I’m happy to live in a tiny cozy home. I never crave for too much money, I even daydream of just living in a trailer home and be on the road whenever I want. This is what I picture happiness is, the calmness in life— the contentment.
Between life and death, there we are with our borrowed time that we use to fill up the days of our existence in this world. And if everything we do is just a time-filler does it matter what we do with the time that we have, that is only going to be taken away in the end? Or it’s only borrowed so we should make the most out of it instead?
I wrote a bunch of poetry back in 2017, it was all over the place. So, I finally retrieved it from my old broken laptop and some were from my old journal pages that I may have forgotten about.
It’s a rainy day today and I’ve been thinking how relaxing the rain is after so many days in the torturing heat of the summer. I guess this is the start of the rainy season here in the Philippines (yey!) My mind is so calm lately but I’ve also been thinking about getting back to work, we can go back to work on Monday but the problem is there are no public transportation available for the commuters and my family doesn’t want to drive me to work. I should really learn how to drive now but good thing the company I’m working at said that it’s okay if we were still not be able to go to work because of the transportation problem.
Lately I’ve been feeling…
Calm. Being in this quarantine is a piece cake for us introverts. I’ve been wanting to have this kind of break since I started working and it’s sad that it had to be in this kind of way. I feel very relaxed, well I guess I can say too relaxed because I have missed sleeping in and not worrying about how early I have to get up the next day but when you got used to that kind of living you kind of miss it by now.
Lately I’ve been wanting…
To see my friends especially my boyfriend, we hadn’t seen each other since the start of the quarantine which is almost 2 months now. I miss them so much, I miss going out, I miss eating out and I can’t believe I’m saying this but I actually miss going to work lol. I have wanted this kind of break but I guess it’s too much now.
Lately I’ve been doing…
I’ve been playing a lot of video games and mobile games this entire quarantine. I’ve been replaying the story missions of GTA IV & V, I’ve been building houses on Sims 4 and I’ve also been playing Call Of Duty. How productive am I? lol This is also one of the reason that I barely write anymore (sorry). Playing games has been such an effective way to past time or waste time lol either way it somehow lessened the boredom I have been feeling since this quarantine started.
Lately I’ve been hoping…
That this pandemic will be over soon and we could all go back to our normal lives. This pandemic has its upside as well though, we get to spend some time with our family without any excuse or distraction that I hope we will all remember after this. I hope we’ll now value the time we have to know what is truly important.