It’s getting harder to get up every morning with all this weight of unmotivated mind and body. As if life just passes us by day by day feeling empty, and waiting for the moment where our lungs couldn’t catch an air to breathe, until death decides to take part. Leaving the world with nothing that goes by our name, a legacy not worth a dime and as if the life we have lived was a gift that we didn’t value. Until it’s too late, and we wishes that time turns back and we’ll try to redo everything but this time around we’ll do everything we can to fight ourselves and find motivation that we lack back then and not mess it up by self-sabotaging.
The never ending satisfaction, one desire to another. Today you’ll fight and tomorrow again you’ll conquer. Aren’t you getting tired? Wanting more when you have everything there is a man could have ever dreamed of? Here you are planning when you already have enough, taking all the world has to offer but never filling you up. You go for what you want rather than what you really love. Maybe change the way you think about what to acquire, maybe next time you’ll get it right and fulfill your true desire.
This was written in the early months during quarantine. It has been sitting out in my drafts for quite some time now. I was just waiting for the perfect time and courage to publish this, and I was reflecting on the last post that I did couple of days ago for suicide prevention month. I kind of need to “walk the talk”, by sharing my story.
We are falling out and we are far from getting back to the place where we once stood happily. We can retrace our steps and try to remember the memories we had but it’s impossible to feel the same way as we did before. We are now in a different phase, the one where we have to go our separate ways.
We can no longer pretend that this is still worth it because it’s not anymore, our days were numbered from the beginning and we just counted them down until the very last second of it. We can never go back and we have to accept that this is really the end.