My Complicated Faith And Beliefs

Hi everyone, today I’m going to tell you a story about my faith. I’ve been struggling to form my words to explain my faith, I will try my best. Here it goes.

I grew up as a roman catholic, I went to a catholic school both grade school and high school. So, I grew up in a very conservative practices, and I used to be a bible reading type of person. That part of me even grew more when I entered my college life, the pressure of being a young adult was coming down on me. My depressive state was getting worse, so I turned to God’s words or any self-help words that I could clung onto, just to save myself from drowning in my own self-destructive thoughts. I was always finding ways to escape my miserable life, and the stuff you read in the bible was very helpful. I used to have the bible app on my phone, and any self-help apps that uses verses in the bible to help enriched our lives. I even wrote a blog post about it. I was a big God’s fan.

But everything changed when I graduated and I got a job. Like, I said in my other post. I experienced what life really was. I realized how shitty it could really get, as time goes by and along that journey, I finally accepted it— life sucks (sometimes). And along that path of acceptance was also the path where I let go of my old ways, even letting go of the things that I was passionate about. I stopped writing, reading, and all the other things that I used to loved doing for awhile. I stopped doing the things that I used to do every time I felt like life was knocking me down. Because I accepted how life is, and I felt like I no longer need the words of others to lift me up, I found my own take on life.

Now, you may see this as I developed a narcissistic way of living my life. NO. I just found a new approach on how to deal with life, and to also trust myself more. I mean we are all just trying to get through life, right? We have our own ways. I guess, I used to go to God back then because I have no one telling me what to do. He was my rope that I held onto. And it sucks to view it this way, but I changed ways, and found another rope to hold onto. But this doesn’t mean that I lost my faith. I still believe in Him, and I know God is real. I just have my own ways to show that. We all have our own relationship with God, mine is just different from the traditional ways. For a better understanding on my relationship with God, it’s like this. I see God as a parent, He guides me, He’s there for me always. But as a child, I grow up, I go my own way, and start doing things on my own. But I still love my parent even if at times, it seems like I don’t. (Does that makes any sense? Lol)

As we’re on this topic, might as well talk about religion. This is the part where I’m a bit hesitant to share, and you’ll know why. Whatever I am going to state here is just my own belief, I’m not asking you to believe whatever I say. I respect everyone’s own beliefs.

I don’t see myself as a roman catholic now, it’s all just in papers. I don’t see myself being part of any religion. I don’t believe in religions, and I never really consider myself as a religious type of person even back then where I was a bible reading person, that for me are very different from each other. I don’t go to church anymore because I believe you can talk to God anytime and anywhere. And religions just separate people, it doesn’t bring people together, it even makes a subject of wars. Another thing, I also used to read the bible because I used to believe it makes you a good person but I don’t know if I would still believe it, when most religious-church-goer-bible-reading people that I met was also the most judgmental people I have met in my life. It’s like they do this practices just to be saved, they go to church to erase their sins, when people could just live with kindness and empathy from the start as I believe that’s what God wants right?

We all grew up believing in something but that changes throughout life, and you start to have your own interpretation on things. My faith was something that I was very insecure to talk about because not a lot of people understand. When some people don’t share the same beliefs, they judge each other. I think money, politics and religion are some topics of conversations that can get us into a fight, that is why we mostly don’t openly talk about it unless we’re drunk. Anyways, that’s the end of this story, I don’t really know how to end this. So…

The end.


Oh, share your thoughts in the comments, share your beliefs and faith as well. Let’s start a healthy discussion about this.


Related Post:
THE BIBLE APP
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS… | 01
I DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD


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WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS… | 01

My view in spirituality, religion and faith are so complicated as of the moment but I’m trying and I’ve been reading the Bible again, so every now and then I’m going to share some things I read in the Bible that speaks to me.

For the first Bible verse I’m going to share, it’s from Luke 12:22-23

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.”

There’ll be times when we’re going to be consumed by our worries about our lives and how we’re going to keep up with the society but the Bible says that there’s more to life than food, clothes, money etc. and that we should first seek for God’s kingdom and righteousness and all of these things will follow and for that we shouldn’t worry too much. 

Also, the Bible says in Matthew 6:27 

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” 

We shouldn’t waste time worrying because it doesn’t really help us in anyway, will it add up to the lifetime we have here? For all I know it will just shorten the time we have. 

So, I guess what I’m sharing to all of you today is to not worry too much and that’s coming from God. 😊

I SURRENDER

​Walking blind around these streets without guidance of a stick. I bump walls and sometimes falls. I ask why and often cry. I lose faith and sometimes hate the way my life is. Why don’t you just take this? 

Oh Father, I haven’t been a good daughter, out of doing good or taking the easy way, I chose the latter. Oh I’m a sinner, yes I know. I’m in drought need of water to refresh my soul, I was ready to fall until I heard your call. Is there any chance for me to be forgiven? Even when I’m on the edge of blasphemy? Yes, I know I’m not worthy but here I am surrendering myself, take everything I have left. 

MY CHOICES

 
​There are so many voices
 
influencing my choices

and my mind is a mess

I think I want the best

but I’m becoming less

of who I really am.

I think my life is in vain,

maybe I’m not supposed to play this game.

It’s becoming lame. 

Do you feel the same?

Like you’re not where you’re supposed to be,

these are not what you’re supposed to see,

we’re supposed to be free but where are we?

Me? I’m still here, living in fears.

Okay I need to breathe, I need a beer.

I have this mind I need to clear.

I fall into temptations,

think I have no other options,

now I ask for my salvation.

I point and aim,

though I’m the one to blame.

I made the flame,

now it’s on fire,

it’s not what I desire,

now I’m in dire 

need of help—

I need to save myself.

The choices I’ve made

led to this fate,

I run towards my faith,

am I already too late? 

THE BIBLE APP

A few weeks ago I came across this cool bible app and I’m actually quite obsessing over it. It’s called YouVersion Bible App and it lets you read the bible in an interesting way, where you get to choose bible plans to read in a specific time frame. I’ve already completed 5 plans and I have 5 on-going plans that I’m trying to finish. This app helps me read the bible in a less boring way and the passages make sense to me with the help of the plans. 
 
(1) There are a lot of great plans you can read through this app that will help your spirituality and also help you emotionally. Having a bible app is a must, when everything can be a click away we all need to check-up on our spirituality and faith and what a great way to do that with just a click on your devices. (2) With this app you also get to save, bookmark and highlight those verses that struck you, (3) there is also a feature called “verse of the day” to remind you of your daily readings. (4) You can also have it in different versions, I have mine in New International Version (NIV). 


 
The reason I downloaded this app is because I need to strengthen my faith again. My faith kind of lost its way that’s why I needed to regain my beliefs, so every time I feel so overwhelm with my thoughts and emotions and every night I couldn’t sleep I usually open this bible app every now and then to calm myself down. I have realized so many things in my life for the last weeks, most of it are not so good realizations that I need to get over and need to learn to control that’s why I really need God’s presence in my life right now, I need His words to guide me because right now His words are the only thing that comforts me.
 
I must say that YouVersion bible app is a great app that every believer should have in their phones, it is a great way to read the bible and a fun way to keep your faith in check. 😊