A Whiplash Year

Sorry, I’ve been MIA and I should really probably stop saying sorry for being away but I have been addicted to a video game again lol. Does anyone play House Flipper here? 😄

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Anyways, I just reread my annual end of the year post last year END OF THE DECADE and I realized that I had a whiplash from 2020. I had a great 2019, it was really great like I said the year 2019 was very kind to me and I feel like it was that great year because I needed that year to be able to survive this year. 2019 was like “okay, I’m going to be nice to you because 2020 is gonna be hell” it was hell lol. It got me thinking of this thing that most of us have been feeling, like you can’t really be too happy because the next thing you’ll be feeling is too much downfall. It’s that weird tire that rolls, you can’t be too long at the top and you’ll feel like you’ve spent a lifetime being at the bottom.

It’s funny how I said in my 2019 year end post that I will be living in the moment in 2020– I did and it kind of punch me back in my face. I had this mindset in 2020 of being impulsive and to just go with the flow and do the things that felt good doing at the time. And I had regrets this year that I wish I could go back and undo it, I was so caught up with my mindset that I didn’t think things through, I really let go of my old self where I overthink things but I don’t want to go back to that version of me. Maybe it’s my timing of letting go and just being in the moment or maybe I should just blame 2020. Either way I can’t seem to find the balance of being in the moment and thinking things through. So, I’m back to that feeling of confuse and lost, this year was really a whiplash. You think you’re doing great but life will be in your face telling you “No! You’re not!” But I have to fight through that thinking and wait it out. And, now I want to have this hopeful feeling for 2021 because life really feels like a rolling tire right now and I’ve spent my time at the bottom of the tire this year so maybe 2021 will roll my way and I’ll regain myself a bit? I’m hoping and I don’t want to jinx it.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope for a better year for everybody in 2021. 🤗

What are your hopes for this new year? 😊


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END OF THE DECADE

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END OF THE DECADE

There goes another year folks! 2019 was by far the most amazing year and that’s coming from used to be the most cynical person I know and that is me. I had great moments with friends and family that I will always treasure, 2019 was very kind to me and I am so grateful for it. Looking back on past years, all the emotional breakdowns I’ve had and comparing to my current state, I’ve come a long way and I’m proud of my progress. I started this decade feeling lost and broken but I ended this decade feeling more secure and contented in terms of emotional state. Having this blog was so helpful and I look back on my writings and think that “woah, I was so f*cked up back then” I was this young fragile girl who didn’t know what to do with her life, I mean I still don’t know what to do with my life but I feel more calm now as to back then where I feel like my life is going down hill (look at me with my dramatic fragile state back then *facepalm*).

So, what’s in store for 2020? I basically don’t know lol. I’m in this living in the moment type of phase as to my usual planning my life phase, at the moment I think it’s better for me to just live one day at a time, I just realized that I used to plan everything to the point that I get anxious about it. What I realized over the years is that I’m young and I have all the time in the world to settle down and worry about the bills but at the same time life is too short for the nonsense and we should be happy (I don’t know if that makes sense, in my head it did lol). As to the future of this blog, I’m gonna stop saying that I will try to be more active because I’m not anymore and there’s an explanation about it, hopefully I get the will and motivation to finally write it.

It’s the end of the decade my friends and I hope that you had a great one and if it’s not great there’s another decade ahead, remember this day when you’re having a “shitty” life and look back on it ten years from now when you’re having a great day drinking champagne and welcoming the new year.

Happy New Year everyone!

2019

Another year ended folks! I hope you had a great 2018 and I’m hoping that you have a prosperous 2019. In this post I just want to share what’s in store for this blog in 2019 and reason why I haven’t been writing that much.

I barely write or read any books anymore, I feel like I’m losing that part of me everyday. My love for literary is slowly fading and the harsh notion of reality is consuming me– influencing me to forget this part of my life and just focus on earning money. I’m slowly losing a piece of me and replacing it with a piece that is so common, I’m becoming like every one else in this f*cked up society. I’m starting to realized that I am not special and I am not that different to anyone.

I used to think that I was different because I always felt out of place anywhere I go and that used to frustrate me until I started reading more books and began being more introverted like I have my own world, that was what my family used to say all the time. And that was fine for me because I didn’t want to be like any of them. But then I graduated and I got a job, I entered the reality. It was difficult and still is, and being in an environment where the thing that you wanted to do the most is unpractical and you need to have a mindset that you need to earn more money for the future, that is what happening to me right now. I am now a puppet of this life.

I still thank this blog for reminding me how my mind worked in the past, like I kind of had a purpose– a meaning. But now I’m losing motivation to write, I know I have a lot of things to say but I just can’t put it into words, it’s all blank. It breaks my heart a bit because when I started this blog, it kept me busy. It was all I ever wanted to do at my past time, it kept my mind at peace somehow. Now, I post shitty uninspired stuff (I’m sorry). I have so much to say I just can’t find the words in me. So, bear with me because this 2019 I will try and regain that part of me.

The fate of Gigantic Thought Bubble blog is unpredictable as of this moment. I hope that I’ll get inspiration, motivation and will to write meaningful stuff this year. I limited my usage of social media once again, it’s making me lazy. I will post every Sunday because that is my only day off and that is my little goal for this blog to try and revive it. Hopefully I get to do it. (fingers crossed)

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

I hope you have a great one.

 

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– Joana x

LIFE LATELY 07 | HOW WAS YOUR 2017?

Lately I’ve been thinking…

of things that I can do in 2018 to make my life a little more exciting because I want something new in my life, I want some changes. Don’t get me wrong 2017 was great but I feel like something is still missing, I don’t know what it is but I just want to do things that I’ve never done before and I want to do it this 2018 and I’m thinking of those things as of this moment.

Lately I’ve been feeling…

Emotionless, I’m in a point of my life where I don’t really care anymore. I’m neither sad nor happy. I’m waiting for something to happen I just don’t know what it is. It’s really hard to explain what I’ve been feeling lately. It’s like I shut off my emotions, it’s like everything I say and do right now is fake and I act like I do because that’s how normal people should react. I really closed the vents, it’s even harder to write it out when writing was my only way to express how I feel but right now it’s a struggle as well. 2017 was a complete opposite of 2016 for me where I had all those breakdowns, I became a robot this 2017. I wonder what I’ll be in 2018 *fingers crossed*.

Lately I’ve been wanting…

To be with friends, drink and go out. Stay in, write and read books. These are the things I miss the most since I started working, especially writing. This blog has been inactive for weeks and I’m really sorry about that, I really wanted to write but when I get home I just want to lie in bed and just sleep. Now, I want to make up for it this 2018 and be active again and I will really try to post regularly, even just once a week.

Lately I’ve been doing…

Besides from work, nothing lol. I go to work, go home, sleep and repeat. Well, I go out with my friends sometimes for a night out and I really make time for them even if I know that I will lose sleep and go to work the next day feeling like a zombie lol but it’s worth it. Also, my sister is back from Ireland, so every now and then we also go out and eat and just spend time together. We recently went to Boracay (too lazy to post photos) and spent our Christmas there, I needed that getaway.

Lately I’ve been hoping…

It’s New Year I just hope for the best this 2018 for everyone and I’m hoping that I get to do new things in my life and find more things to be excited and thankful for. I also hope you can all forgive this short entry yet again, adult life is taking over me lol

OVERALL LIFE IN 2017:

⁃ Graduated college

⁃ Struggle of finding a job

⁃ Struggle of transitioning to adulthood

⁃ Realized that the “real world” truly sucks but at the same time I find it exciting.

⁃ Felt like life was only beginning but at the same time I felt like life’s activity was repetitive and thought that I’ve already had enough.

When I look back at 2017, it’s quite a blur. It’s like somebody pressed the fast forward button and I can’t even remember half of the things that went down that year. All I know is that right now I’m still here and I endured it all so far and I’m hoping to do the same this 2018.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS THIS 2018.


How was your 2017?

P.S. Leaving New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift just because it’s New Year’s 😊