My Complicated Faith And Beliefs

Hi everyone, today I’m going to tell you a story about my faith. I’ve been struggling to form my words to explain my faith, I will try my best. Here it goes.

I grew up as a roman catholic, I went to a catholic school both grade school and high school. So, I grew up in a very conservative practices, and I used to be a bible reading type of person. That part of me even grew more when I entered my college life, the pressure of being a young adult was coming down on me. My depressive state was getting worse, so I turned to God’s words or any self-help words that I could clung onto, just to save myself from drowning in my own self-destructive thoughts. I was always finding ways to escape my miserable life, and the stuff you read in the bible was very helpful. I used to have the bible app on my phone, and any self-help apps that uses verses in the bible to help enriched our lives. I even wrote a blog post about it. I was a big God’s fan.

But everything changed when I graduated and I got a job. Like, I said in my other post. I experienced what life really was. I realized how shitty it could really get, as time goes by and along that journey, I finally accepted it— life sucks (sometimes). And along that path of acceptance was also the path where I let go of my old ways, even letting go of the things that I was passionate about. I stopped writing, reading, and all the other things that I used to loved doing for awhile. I stopped doing the things that I used to do every time I felt like life was knocking me down. Because I accepted how life is, and I felt like I no longer need the words of others to lift me up, I found my own take on life.

Now, you may see this as I developed a narcissistic way of living my life. NO. I just found a new approach on how to deal with life, and to also trust myself more. I mean we are all just trying to get through life, right? We have our own ways. I guess, I used to go to God back then because I have no one telling me what to do. He was my rope that I held onto. And it sucks to view it this way, but I changed ways, and found another rope to hold onto. But this doesn’t mean that I lost my faith. I still believe in Him, and I know God is real. I just have my own ways to show that. We all have our own relationship with God, mine is just different from the traditional ways. For a better understanding on my relationship with God, it’s like this. I see God as a parent, He guides me, He’s there for me always. But as a child, I grow up, I go my own way, and start doing things on my own. But I still love my parent even if at times, it seems like I don’t. (Does that makes any sense? Lol)

As we’re on this topic, might as well talk about religion. This is the part where I’m a bit hesitant to share, and you’ll know why. Whatever I am going to state here is just my own belief, I’m not asking you to believe whatever I say. I respect everyone’s own beliefs.

I don’t see myself as a roman catholic now, it’s all just in papers. I don’t see myself being part of any religion. I don’t believe in religions, and I never really consider myself as a religious type of person even back then where I was a bible reading person, that for me are very different from each other. I don’t go to church anymore because I believe you can talk to God anytime and anywhere. And religions just separate people, it doesn’t bring people together, it even makes a subject of wars. Another thing, I also used to read the bible because I used to believe it makes you a good person but I don’t know if I would still believe it, when most religious-church-goer-bible-reading people that I met was also the most judgmental people I have met in my life. It’s like they do this practices just to be saved, they go to church to erase their sins, when people could just live with kindness and empathy from the start as I believe that’s what God wants right?

We all grew up believing in something but that changes throughout life, and you start to have your own interpretation on things. My faith was something that I was very insecure to talk about because not a lot of people understand. When some people don’t share the same beliefs, they judge each other. I think money, politics and religion are some topics of conversations that can get us into a fight, that is why we mostly don’t openly talk about it unless we’re drunk. Anyways, that’s the end of this story, I don’t really know how to end this. So…

The end.

Oh, share your thoughts in the comments, share your beliefs and faith as well. Let’s start a healthy discussion about this.

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Written last March 20, 2017

Just want to write a short reaction on the film Hacksaw Ridge that I recently watched which is now one of my favorite film. The film tells a true story about beliefs and really holding onto it despite what other people are saying. Desmond Doss was a World War II soldier that had a strong belief of the commandment that “thou shall not kill” it was said that he was the first soldier to became a conscientious objector which means “an individual who has claimed the right to refuse to perform military service”. He refused to hold a rifle which was really quite intriguing if you wanted to be a soldier but holding onto his beliefs Desmond Doss never held a rifle even after being threatened and beaten up about it. He wanted to be a combat medic and wanted to save lives while others are killing each other. I was moved by the high morality of Desmond Doss. He was so brave to save his fellow wounded soldiers by himself and he even saved some Japanese soldiers too. And I really loved how he fought and stood up for what he really believed in. 
Got me questioning how strong are my beliefs and how far will I go to stand by it? Right now I think most people are easily persuaded and influenced by certain factors that can make a change in what they believe in, how most people follow trends just to stay “cool” and to not be left out “everybody’s doing it might as well do it too” 
Friendly reminder: Just because everybody’s doing it does not mean you have to do it as well. 

 You are you and you don’t have to copy what everybody else is doing. You have your own mind and focus on what you want. Everyone of us is different, different perspective, different personalities and different beliefs so respect everybody’s beliefs even if it contradicts yours and don’t ever think just because what you believe in is different from what others believe in makes your beliefs wrong, I think that’s the time you have to hold on to it a bit tighter. But to answer my question on how far will I go to fight for what I believe? I actually don’t know but I hope I get to stand by it when the time comes.

How far will you go to stand by for your beliefs? 😊