Today is Sunday and it’s raining, it’s the start of the rainy season from where I am and it’s my favorite season and type of weather. I was lying in my bed and I just feel really comfortable that I just want to stay in bed all day and just listen to the sound of the rain but then I had the urge to grab my notebook and just write. So I did, I wanted to write about the times that I was not writing and the reason why I was not writing.
I always blamed my job for taking all of my time, it’s impossible to juggle relationships, sleep and other stuff after work. But then I realized that it was not really about the amount of time I need to allot to write, it was about how I was supposed to write. Writing for me is where you pour your emotions out and it’s a way to vent out and lately I have no emotions left to pour that I felt my words will no longer have meaning when I write it with no feelings at all. It’s the true feeling of numbness and emptiness that I don’t feel anything at all, even the type of pain that you can feel in your chest is gone. It’s like I got tired of everything and I just accept everything that is happening and I’m not making any efforts at all. I used to care so much and now I’m just losing interest in everything that I once loved doing and that includes writing.
How am I supposed to write when I can no longer feel anything? When I can no longer put words to what I’m thinking?
That’s where my Gigantic Thought Bubbled popped! I keep wondering if the-not-feeling-anything part is just the effect of growing up and adulthood because if it is I don’t want it anymore, I just want to freeze time.
I want to do something about it and I want to write again even about the dumbest thing that I can think about and I kind of lost my poetic side as well and I want to bring it back. I’m writing again and I will try my best to post regularly because I just want to bring back my old self or even just a part of myself where I once cared.
P.S. How is everyone? I miss reading your blogs. 🙂