This was written in the early months during quarantine. It has been sitting out in my drafts for quite some time now. I was just waiting for the perfect time and courage to publish this, and I was reflecting on the last post that I did couple of days ago for suicide prevention month. I kind of need to “walk the talk”, by sharing my story.Read More »
Let me tell you a story about a girl named Jessica. Jessica had to grow up fast, she lived in a broken home with a parents’ love that didn’t last. At only 8 years old, she had to think about her future and not the kind of dream of what she wanted to be when she’s older but the kind where how was she going to prove herself and steered clear of others prediction of her future as a lost cause like her parents was.
She grew up being a good girl, obeying rules, and living up to society’s standards. She graduated with honors, got a job at a well-known conglomerate. Jessica became successful or so she thought.
Jessica thought when she’s finally “successful” in her career, and when she’s financially stable, she’s going to be happy. She’s got everything except the love and care that she craved for from her parents when she was little.
No matter how hard she tried to fix the damage her parents did to her, she cannot find a way to forget and mend herself from it. After everything that she went through, after all the successes that she accomplished, the wound is still open.
Jessica is now in her 30’s, she’s got everything. She can buy anything that she wants. Jessica is sufficing everything that she lacked when she was young, she dreamt of this yet, she goes home everyday at an empty big home, all alone.
The story of Jessica shows how parents affect a child. I’m no psychologist but parents don’t know how traumatic it is for a kid, growing up in a broken home and with so little love. Jessica is just an example of someone having a great mindset to deal with her situation, she persevere to become successful while others in her situation develops severe mental illness, and some just throw their life away because they believed that they were brought out into the world unwanted. I hope people understand that a child absorbs everything that their family do and don’t do. Everything that they do to their child, will forever be instilled in them until they become a parent as well.
All of us didn’t choose to be born, we are here because two people had libido and we’re the outcome. These two people decided for us and we are their consequences and we’ll carry it for the rest of our lives.
From time to time, I will tell you a story about things I picked up throughout life that has some lessons, inspirations, motivation, or just plainly stories I would like to share with you. 😊
Let’s follow each other:
Hello there everyone, I am hesitant to talk about this topic because I know Philippines and other countries has a family-oriented culture. Therefore, maybe not a lot of people will agree with me on this one but hear me out.
I know how most of us say that after we graduate and finish school, we’re going to make our parents proud and give back for all the sacrifices and hardships that they endured to raise us up. I know that, because I also said that when I graduated, and then I got a job. I got to experience how hard it is to earn, finally knowing the true value of it because I worked for it. My aunt who raised me, never obligated me to give a portion of my salary to her, but I did anyway.
Parents should know how hard the world is and it’s a competitive world. In the Philippines, cost of living is expensive and obligating their kids to give back with a starting minimum salary is too much. Parents should never ask or pressure their child to pay back. It is not a child’s obligation to pay back their parents because it is a parents’ job to give their child the best life without receiving anything in return. But there are parents who treat their child as a way to make their quality of life better in the future. Some even stop working just because their kids already graduated. Some pass their dreams to their child, so that they can live the life that they wanted in the past. Some force their kids to take a college program that isn’t even the kid’s choice as long as the job that they will get, will earn a lot. And when their child finally gets a job, they will have a say in everything and it never ends until their child will develop a frustrating feelings against their parents.
I have nothing against parents and this is not applicable in all cases, I just think that making choices for their child or obligating the child to support them is like holding back the child’s future and living their life. Parents have each other to be with, husband and wife support each other like “until death parts us”. The child is needed to be set free to also find their other half, and that will not happen if in the child’s mind is he/she needs to support their parents. The child needs to live their own life and parents need to set them free after they guided them, and they can finally make their own choices in life.
I’m not saying that kids should forget about their family or that it’s wrong to support your parents, what I’m trying to point out here is that parents should not force or pressure their kids to have a mindset that they have to work hard so that they can give back to their parents. They have to instill in their mind that they have to work hard for their own good, and to have a great future for themselves.
Even if we’re in a culture of being family oriented, this trait is a bit toxic and we need to stop treating the youth as an investment, let’s guide them but make them grow by themselves.
Back when I was still in college, I’d always dreamed the life of making money out of doing something that I love. Until, I went on that road of being a corporate slave and be stuck at a job that I didn’t pretty much enjoyed. I even wrote a blog post about it, which pretty much contradicts this post. (Glad to have this blog to look back on what I believed in the past).
Right now, I realized something and that is it’s okay if I’m not doing the thing that I love as my job. Some people are lucky that they get to do their passion and make it as their careers but I guess I am more lucky that I still earn money and I still get to do the things that I love without any pressure.
I know a lot of people these days are pretty much into pursuing their passion as their careers and that is great. But for those who are struggling to make that happen, this is your assurance that it is definitely fine that you are working at a job that you hate right now just to pay your dues. Be thankful for it because you still earn money and I believe you spend that money to buy and do the things that you love.
Honestly, if you think about it, we all get pressured and stressed from any work that we do. And we go to our hobby and passion as a way to escape from that chaotic part of our life. Imagine if these two are combined into one, where do you run when the thing that you love doing is where you get your anxiety from? Your once stress reliever is now your stressor?
There is an upside to your job not being your passion, you get to separate your profession from your passion. You are lucky because you still have that escape, I know some people who lost all their interests from their passion because it is their job at the same time, and I hate seeing that. Because they used to love doing that so much until their two worlds collided and they couldn’t distinguished their passion from their profession. I see a lot of kids/teens these days getting depressed about it, even myself thinks about it. Because I see all these quotes and posts about how everyone should pursue their passion, which you could see in my old post. People need to realize that not everyone has the same privilege and opportunities to go after their passion. Some people even need to give that up for the sake of providing more for their families. That is why don’t believe everything you read on the internet especially those false motivation that create fake ideals. I am not saying that you should stop going after what you want, and be contented in a job that you hate. It’s just some people out there are afraid to go after it or are having a hard time to get there, and this post is a reminder that it is okay and that they are not a failure for not living the dream that they had when they were still a kid.
Everyone has their own time frame, we all get there when we get there. But for now, just be grateful. 😊
This post is not meant to offend anyone who is pursuing their passion, this is for those who feel like their life is going nowhere and they feel like they have no purpose because they are not going after what they want. 😊
LET’S FOLLOW EACH OTHER:
In the words of Paramore, forgiving is not forgetting. Let’s talk about the problem with the saying “forgive and forget”, you can and should forgive but you should NEVER forget. You got hurt, a person did something bad to you, you can’t just forget that. That was a lesson and a warning, you can forgive them for the sake of your peace of mind but you should still look out for those signs, and it is not about having trust issues, it’s about protecting yourself.
I personally learned that this was the way to go, to move forward with life. So many people did me wrong and I didn’t know why I felt guilty because I said to myself that I forgave them but deep inside I was still hurt, and I didn’t forget what they did. I just couldn’t forgive them and just forget what they did to me, that was a lesson for me that I should have known from the start and I will be a complete idiot if they get to do it again. Then I started thinking to just move on and not be bothered by them anymore, I should just cut them off and stop caring if they’ll feel like that I am not the same person that I was before and that is their fault (that sounded so bad). It’s like for me, okay I forgive them, I don’t really care that much anymore about what happened but I will not let myself go through that again, what’s important is my inner peace, and it’s better if I just move on without them.
Okay, that sounded so bitter but it’s the best way to take care of your mental health. Why would you let yourself be pressured into fixing a relationship when you know they are never going to change? If the things they did to you is just a cycle, they say sorry then it’s fine, then it will happen again. Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger, and freeing yourself from hatred. And to effectively do it is by moving on and leaving it behind but also carrying the lesson it gave you. It’s really better to just move on and protect your inner peace, you are wiser now. Don’t let them bother you again. So, stop the saying “forgive and forget”, it should be “forgive and move on”.
I’m leaving you with a Paramore song that inspired me to write this one…