Hey, since it’s quarantine season again here in the Philippines I decided that I want to do something positive on this blog for a few days. I want to focus on the things I love rather than think about what’s wrong in the world. I rarely do this because I was so used to writing about pain and misery since I find it more interesting to write about. So, for the next few days I will try to list down the things that’s been making me happy lately in my life that I usually take for granted.
I think I’m speaking for everyone when I say that we unconsciously focus more on the things that stresses us out and we take for granted the things that give us that relief. Often times, we get swallowed by the everyday living and forget about the little things in life that calms us down. So, join me for the next few days and recognized the little things in our life that gives us joy, the “temporary” happiness that we hardly acknowledge and what we think is too shallow. Let’s appreciate these little things as it helps us get through life or even just for a day or even just for a moment.
P.S. I had this draft for months now and I thought it’s perfect to work on this draft during this lockdown again which is unfortunately our third one for this pandemic. Also, shoutout to Shahrin from SmallMomentsofWonder she posted this blog about Small Pleasures Of Life back in February and it inspired this post.
Am I the only one here who handles their emotions very well by not letting it show— on the outside everything seems so fine but deep inside everything is just a mess?
I’ve learned to close the gate of my emotions for the past couple of years. I once opened it and it drowned me, so I decided to contain it again and bottle it up. Well, let’s just say that I’m very conflicted on how I should deal with my emotions now since I’ve tried every ways but all of it has a downside.
I try to stay away from negative things and avoid conflicts, which surprisingly is a lot more toxic than I expected because the negativity will always be there unless I face it and solve it. Not caring is not an option, it is impossible to not care unless you’re a sociopath. Back then I tried to really bottled up all my emotions until I started spilling them out on friends. I kind of open up a vault and I couldn’t stop letting all these emotions out. Until, I tried to closed it again and since then I’ve been sort of okay with just minor changes. Before I used to be all about helping people with their problems like I go out of my way to be helpful and supportive. I literally don’t give a fuck about myself before and I would rather help others before I help myself. Right now, I feel myself changing day by day. I don’t know if I’m becoming more “selfish” but I try my best to stay away from negativity hence I became sort of cold hearted.
I remember seeing this photo from social media about how we become older we figuratively became smarter and wiser but as that happens our hearts also become smaller and colder. That photo was engraved in my mind because I find it true as I experience it. It started when I graduated college I was sent out to the “real world”. This chaotic life that I have to face for a lifetime. When you were still a student the world was somehow filtered, you get to have these ideas of what life would be like and in your mind it’s this awesome plan. I thought I just have to do these steps so I can have that dream but as it turns out it wasn’t that easy. I thought upon graduating I have all these tools to be remarkable but I have nothing. I’m just this another normal girl looking for a job. It went on from there learning that I was not that special and the world just sucks. Money is important even if you just want a simple life. All these negative information kind of piled up inside of me. I was once a hopeful and idealistic person who hopes for the best and sees something in good in everything. Now, I’m this skeptic person trying my best to get by and as much as possible protect my wellness.
It’s not that I don’t care about other people because I’m a huge a fan of kindness and empathy, if you have been reading from this blog for a while now you probably know that already. I promote checking on your loved ones and listening to their stories. But I’m also a fan of self-love. For me, I try to create this boundary with myself of being concern and being over-caring to other people’s emotions. I absorb negativity quickly that’s why I try to refrain myself of putting my nose in other people’s issues but at the same time I also want them to know that I am there for them. But these past couple of years I felt myself being cold. I stopped checking on people because I was so caught up with my own shit and I also became a jerk because I felt like I dealt with my problems on my own and I’m surviving and I started expecting other people to do the same. I’m turning into someone that I hated growing up, the kind of person that thinks everything is all in our heads and just wanted attention. I started realizing it that is why I’m writing this.
Like, I said from the beginning of this post I am conflicted on how I should deal with my emotions. I thought not dealing with it and avoiding to feel it was the best way but as it turns out I’m becoming a toxic person not just for myself but also for other people. I lost that sense of being empathic and sympathetic on others adversities. I wanted to bring my old self back but I know that it is impossible especially with all the things that I have experienced. I am this person because of it, I mean I learned a lot about how the world works even though it still disappoints me. I crave for my innocence back but I am not a child anymore and I should accept the fact that I have all these responsibilities now. I guess that is the source of my problem I wanted to be a kid again— carefree with no responsibility.
I feel like this writing is a mess. I feel like I have talked about everything that’s been bothering me when in fact I just want to talk about how I deal with my emotions but it led to different aspects of my life lol. Well, I guess that’s how it really goes when you have too many bottled up thoughts and emotions.
I have finally updated our blog directory. It was so overdue and I apologize for that so please feel free to check our blog directory and discover new blogs to read and follow. 😊
Sense of touch that we miss, and the feel of your soft lips it’s been a year since all of these has been taken away in a bliss.
To be apart from each other and should’ve made us closer like a war with a terrible leader feels like our days are numbered.
The pandemic is not getting away anytime sooner. It has been a year but it feels like we’re back from the very beginning. My country the Philippines has gone under another “lockdown” for 1 week as cases of COVID-19 had a surge these past couple of days. As Filipinos beginning to feel complacent as they’re adjusting to the new normal, we are back where we started but worst.
I’m saying that this lockdown is worst because the country can no longer afford an extended lockdown due to economic reasons. The capital of the country Metro Manila plus other areas like Bulacan, Cavite, and Laguna (NCR Plus) is currently on lockdown for only a week, and the government specifically said in their press conference that it is unlikely for them to extend this lockdown which from my point of view sounds like “whatever happens after this lockdown, we are going back to normal and just let things be”. You can’t contain a surge of cases in just a week. It has been a year and our COVID response still has no concrete plan on how to contain this virus except for naming quarantine schemes for a whole year. What is the use of this lockdown when people can actually still go out and the government is just imposing a curfew? Does the virus have schedule on when they are active?
The Philippine government failed from the very beginning of this Pandemic and it didn’t even get a chance to redeem itself.
Failed to make a concrete plan when number of cases were rising. Instead, imposed a nationwide lockdown and poured all the funds for military checkpoints, and gave unorganized LGU aids when they should’ve gave the majority of the funds to our health care system, mass testing, contact tracing, and other procedures that would’ve helped in containing the virus.
This is not about being a DDS supporter or not, you cannot avoid the fact that this administration is failing in handling this pandemic. Duterte administration’s sole priority this whole year was law and order, and they pour all their attention on that detail of governing. This is a virus where health is in jeopardy. Checkpoints and military is not going to defeat this virus. TESTING and BETTER HEALTH CARE SYSTEM will.
Compromising is very important in relationships, it’s one of the tools that makes it work. But when do we back down to consider and when do we stand our ground?
I have been watching Grey’s Anatomy for a couple of weeks now, I’m currently on season 10 and one of the story lines that’s been bothering me for awhile is Yang-Hunt’s story arc. ! SPOILER ALERT 🚨
So, Cristina Yang and Owen Hunt have been my favorite problematic couple for awhile, they’ve been on and off. They were married and got divorced because of a plane crash accident but prior to that they’ve been having problems with their marriage, mainly because they have differences towards their future. Owen Hunt wanted to have a kid and Cristina Yang chose to abort their baby, and Owen has been keeping a grudge towards her wife ever since the incident. Over time Owen accepted that and wanted Cristina back, but Cristina has been having second thoughts because she believes that they’re going to end up where they left off, and she’s afraid that she’s never going to be enough for Owen, and Owen would probably ask for more that Cristina wouldn’t give her.
I’ve been frustrated on Cristina Yang’s character, she’s over confident, over achiever and so full of herself, and she always do what she wants, she’s been called a robot because all she cared about was being a top surgeon. But she has a soft spot as well, she stuck by Owen when he had PTSD and when he almost killed her. The only wrong thing they did was that they didn’t talk about their plans in the future before committing to each other. Now, Owen compromised his dream of having a kid and a family. He wants Cristina back but Cristina is afraid that Owen will suddenly change his mind. Cristina obviously still loves Owen but why couldn’t she just compromise or at least consider having a baby with Owen? But Owen gave up what he wants to be with Cristina, why couldn’t she do it for Owen?
Now, I kept thinking of when do we compromise? Are women more uptight than men? Do women want men to sacrifice more?
From personal experience, I am like Cristina in some sort of way, that’s why I kind of like her and hate her at the same time. I was used to being alone before I got into a serious relationship, I was used to doing things my way. I really adjusted in my relationship in ways like knowing that there’s someone I could depend on and I don’t really have to do everything on my own, and there is someone who also depends on me where we can both be there for each other. And there are moments that I know I have to compromise to not be the difficult one, and to just avoid arguments and blame on my part lol. But there are also times when I have to hold on to what I know is right for me that sometimes leads to making myself feel selfish. The dilemma starts there when you badly want to give it but you just can’t for some reason.
We were so used to guys courting girls for months to be their girlfriend especially in the Philippines, we make guys go through hoops of fire just to know if they’re sincere. We were used to guys putting more effort in the relationship, they compromise more. But it’s different for us women, when we fall in love, it’s deeper. Some do the same effort as guys do, buying gifts, arranging surprises etc. But all women give all of their feelings in the relationship, when we are in a relationship we are already compromised, most of us women have our guards up, we have walls and when we let a guy in and we lower our guards down it’s like a reflex thinking of “isn’t that enough?” without us really thinking about it. Most of us may not give you guys the moon or move mountains the same as you guys do but that doesn’t mean we are selfish. We’re compromising our feelings, we’re already vulnerable. Mind, body and soul of a woman is already yours when we fall in love. That’s why I think most of us girls are complicated because there’s too much emotions going through us. That’s why when guys cheat most of the women forgives easily and take their man back but when women cheat the relationship is already over and this is something that I’ve witnessed countless of times.
I rambled long enough through that one, I got all that emotions I was talking about lol. Going back to my question when do we compromise? I sincerely want to know.
Finding love is such a wonderful thing to have, especially the idea of falling in love with someone you have known for quite a while. Hopeless romantics may say it’s a dream to have it with a friend, the trust and bond is immediately there, and after all the films that have that love story shows how perfect it truly is— it’s not. Falling in love with your best friend can cause a lot of negative emotions and consequences.
Films that has these best friend to lovers story lines messed up your expectations and reality because of how it shows these perfect stories, and you being this hopeless romantic crave for the same story for yourself. Generally, love is not like the movies (just saying).
You and your best friend became friends all these years for a reason, and you suddenly see them with heart eyes, it makes you look desperate of wanting someone in your life and you see your best friend always being there, and your brain started thinking that maybe you two were made for each other. You are made for each other in a different non-romantic way.
It also ruins your long time bond with each other, leaving you feeling awkward around them. And when you finally decide to confess your feelings and your friend doesn’t feel the same way, you’ll be manipulative and start acting out like you’re the one who got wronged. And, you’ll leave your best friend feeling devastated, or worst they’ll start believing that they feel the same way and that is just pathetic.
Sorry, but to be honest it is truly pathetic to fall in love with someone you have known for most of your life, who you trust the most, and basically have been there for you through it all. I don’t believe in you just magically fall for your friend, it is sad and unfair that it took you that long to realize that you have feelings for your best friend, you took advantage of getting to know them as a friend and use it as a way to develop the relationship into a romantic one.
Though, I’ll respect it. I mean if it’s true love then who am I to stop it?