In the words of Paramore, forgiving is not forgetting. Let’s talk about the problem with the saying “forgive and forget”, you can and should forgive but you should NEVER forget. You got hurt, a person did something bad to you, you can’t just forget that. That was a lesson and a warning, you can forgive them for the sake of your peace of mind but you should still look out for those signs, and it is not about having trust issues, it’s about protecting yourself.
I personally learned that this was the way to go, to move forward with life. So many people did me wrong and I didn’t know why I felt guilty because I said to myself that I forgave them but deep inside I was still hurt, and I didn’t forget what they did. I just couldn’t forgive them and just forget what they did to me, that was a lesson for me that I should have known from the start and I will be a complete idiot if they get to do it again. Then I started thinking to just move on and not be bothered by them anymore, I should just cut them off and stop caring if they’ll feel like that I am not the same person that I was before and that is their fault (that sounded so bad). It’s like for me, okay I forgive them, I don’t really care that much anymore about what happened but I will not let myself go through that again, what’s important is my inner peace, and it’s better if I just move on without them.
Okay, that sounded so bitter but it’s the best way to take care of your mental health. Why would you let yourself be pressured into fixing a relationship when you know they are never going to change? If the things they did to you is just a cycle, they say sorry then it’s fine, then it will happen again. Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger, and freeing yourself from hatred. And to effectively do it is by moving on and leaving it behind but also carrying the lesson it gave you. It’s really better to just move on and protect your inner peace, you are wiser now. Don’t let them bother you again. So, stop the saying “forgive and forget”, it should be “forgive and move on”.
I’m leaving you with a Paramore song that inspired me to write this one…