I’m just here to release some things from my heart and from my mind if that’s alright.
I have been a “corporate slave” for a year, congrats to myself lol. It’s quite sad to think that everything that I wrote here about passion and happiness over the past years is contradicting everything that I’m doing with my life right now. It’s easy to think about it— to dream about it and thinking that it’s all going to be just a dream because you can’t do it in reality due to you’ll starve to death first before you can actually do your passion is really frustrating.
I ended up following the usual flow and just hope something will come up along the way to somehow lessen the unfulfilling and unsatisfied emotions that I’m currently feeling. I want to go back to the time where everything was so simple, when life was easy. It’s difficult to grow up but I’m still young and I’m still hoping that one day everything will make sense and I’ll finally be happy.
One year into working and it feels too fast that I think I’m just wasting my time, I’m like working until I die. Life is so repetitive or maybe I’m just doing something that I’m getting tired of, at first working in the accounting field was quite exciting because it’s a new environment and I’m learning a lot but over time I’m getting tired of how repetitive it is, I started to think that my life is such a waste if this is the thing that I’m going to do for the rest of my life. This work is so tiring with such little recognition, I have no problem with my work mates and bosses, it’s the company itself and its policies. I can feel and see the way people do things to be on top and to gain more money, it’s kind of sad because this is the real world and it’s slowly killing everything that I believe in just to survive and it’s also slowly killing me inside.
I’m still hoping though that everything will make perfect sense, I’m thankful for the support system that I got especially to my boyfriend even though we fight and argue a lot. I don’t usually see my friends nowadays, we are all “adulting” and I understand that. Growing up is quite sad, scary, exciting and a bunch of other emotions that it’s quite difficult to feel one emotion at a time that you feel it all at the same time lol.
Well, that’s all I can think of right now to share or should I say I’m just too lazy to write everything. Forgive this poor written entry, I just really missed writing and pouring my mind in here.