“IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME”

I am a complicated person and I have these walls that I’m too hesitant to bring down but I am trying. Please understand that I got used to being alone and I got comfortable being on my own but the idea of being with someone is one thing I want to know. You came along at the time when I thought I was ready but then you got too close― I freaked out. 

I admire you for putting up with me for quite a long time even at times when I try to push you away where others would have already gave up but you are different. You still try to tear down the walls I built but I am that complicated and I rebuild it each time you break it. I realized now how selfish I am for not reciprocating everything that you are trying to do, I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me, if I ever gave you a false hope and I left you hanging. I tell myself all these excuses why it will never work out but the true reason is that I am scared. I am scared of getting hurt and I am scared of hurting someone because I am an indecisive person, I am afraid that I’ll later regret my decision of us being together and end up hurting you instead. Thus, realizing I have these issues that I need to resolve first. I know I am a coward and I actually want you to stay and wait for me until I’m truly ready but that’s too much for me to ask. I hope we can meet again when I’m at a place where I am sure of what I want but for now let go of me is what I’m asking and it’s for your own sake, thank you for wanting me but as cliché as it may sound the problem is not on you, it’s me.

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