There are days where everything is alright and perfectly fine but deep down inside I know it’s not. There are days where I’m so hopeful and optimistic about life but yet I feel like I’m fooling myself. It’s a struggle to feel like this where you are doing great yet there’s something inside of you screams that you’re not okay. Like you’re going on your day, talking to your family, laughing with your friends but then you suddenly pause for a thought comes up and then there you are thinking deeply and just falls into silence. That’s how my day goes on every now and then.
I’m like carrying two sides of myself the one that I show to everyone and the other one which I keep to myself that is somehow heavier. I hate it, it’s so tiring to live like this that there are moments where I think of ending it but I know I can’t but I somehow wish that someone will do me a big favor and just end it for me or is it too much? I know it sounds pathetic and I’m also tired of hearing that it will get better because no one really knows yet I’m still trying that’s all I can really do right now, try and survive.